To the one who turned stranger

23 SEP, 2021

Life has been too much constricted. We are not only confined by physical boundaries but by our thoughts as well. Imprisoned; that our mind finds its way to the small crater of memories or the concealed feelings. We hardly tend to live in the present or ever think of the future. Life has changed its purpose.

Today I came across one of my old diaries, on which I used to let my mates write about them and some words for me. I turned the first page. "Appreciate our Friendship!!!". All those sentiments, devotion, consent, and enjoyment were well explained by those three words in a simple but way deep down. I couldn't help but turn the pages and read every word with their faces on the page like in the movies during the '90s. All those pranks, stories, memories, desire, resentment, and disappointment that I had kept in a box and forgot to unwrap, all came back to me. Every word, sentence, paragraph, page told thousands of stories, millions of jokes, billions of hopes, and reminded of infinite sweet curves. If only I could bunk the reality and live in my imagination. If only I could turn the pages of my life back and write over them again. If only I could write an essay on "My Best friend" again without a second of thought. If only I could receive those letters written to me by them on their copies. If only I could attempt surprise tests in just half an hour. If only I could..............! If only I could.............!.If only I just don't have to say if only.

Today I acknowledged, how I kept lying to myself that life goes on without them. I am fine even without them. I was trying to forget someone, someone whose remembrances make me a little depressing than I should be. I was being distant from myself. Yes, they carried some portion of me with them. We long for the better days, but we know, deep down, the best days were the ones they spent with us. They are not only the ones who were isolated by time but also the ones who were separated by circumstances. Someone with whom we lost bond while tightening the thread. We pulled the thread aiming to tighten the knot but it couldn't stand the circumstances.

Today many of us wake up searching for the meaning of life. Deep down, we know that it hurts a little more every day to wake up to nothing but the void. I wonder if I ever cross your mind and your heart feels a little more deserted. If you ever open the gallery, start scrolling for a photo but halt because you saw my picture. If you still remember the nickname you gave me.